You’re never gonna believe this, but I’ve been playing Pokemon Legends Zed-A. Due in part, I believe, to the fact that I am simply no longer on X The Everything App, I have been able to play the game with basically no spoilers, which includes all of the new Mega Evolutions the game is introducing. So I am reviewing them as I see them.

A couple of notes:

• I am reviewing them as I see them in-game. There are several that I have seen because they were shown in advertising. But I’m sticking to game order for simplicity. Now this does mean I will never get to review my best friends the Raichu Brothers. And it also means I will not get to share my notes on Mega Starmie, the Only Mega I Have Been Spoiled On With Regularity, until much later because it is apparently one of the last Megas you see in-game. This is a sacrifice I must make, for integrity.

• This will be a Living Document, much like The Constitution before it. I will update it as I continue to find new Mega evolutions.

• If you’re reading this and you would like to avoid at least visual spoilers, I will hyperlink photos of all the Megas so you can semi-avoid spoilers. Obviously I will be kind of describing some of them but not fully.

Let us begin.

Reviewing the new Mega Evolutions in Pokemon Legends Z-A

Me and my beautiful daughter enjoying a nice cup of Roserade Tea.

Rated out of 7 stars, as is tradition.

Drampa

I already think Drampa is a really cool Pokemon, one of my favorite modern designs. And they’ve improved on the design for this one! Considering some of the freaks I am about to talk about, I think it was wise to introduce Drampa as the first Mega you encounter in-game. My only beef with it is it could have been a regular evolution. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Meganium

I’m a serial grass starter chooser, and in my opinion I’ve never, ever been punished for it. (I think some people were disappointed in the Grass/Fighting Hisui Decidueye from this game’s predecessor Pokemon Legends Arceus, but I thought it was sick.) Z-A is no exception. Mega Meganium kicks total ass. The full neck of flowers is a beautiful design, and is a much better design direction than Mega Venusaur’s Make The Plant Bigger theme. Giving it Fairy type rules too. I love my beautiful child. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Victreebell

Ok so technically I’ve seen this one because it was in the advertisements.
True freak here. Auto-asphyxiation is not a kink I subscribe to but I’m not here to yuck any pokemon’s yums. ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Excadrill

I find that this ends up being the most common genre of Mega Evolution design: Make The Main Features Bigger or Longer. Having said that, size does matter. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Eelektross

Ok so I dunno about this one. On one hand, I think that the concept (Pokemon has smaller versions of the same Pokemon as weapons/fists) is very funny. Ton of potential. On the flip, I just don’t care about Eelektross and don’t think it looked that cool before you put more Eelektross on it.
How deep does this even go? Can its hands Mega Evolve to have even more ‘it’ hands?
I’m not gonna think about this anymore, I decided. ⭐⭐

El Hijo Del Hawlucha

Give this guy the belt, dude. That’s the face of the company brother. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Chandelure

Like Drampa and Meganium, I find Mega Chandelure to just be a beautiful design. A logical next step in the pokemon’s form. It’s simple. Pristine. It’s one of the many items that could kill you in 1313 Dead End Drive. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Falinks

The game kind of gestures towards this being the next Mega you see early, and I came up with a lot of sick and twisted ideas. The Pokemon Company’s idea turned out way better than anything I came up with. I think the execution is kind of janky but by design? Like, there’s a world where Game Freak makes the zord look “too good,” like too well put together? They avoid this. It works for me. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Skarmory

I think this is the first new Mega design that I’m generally unmoved by. It’s not a beautiful design, it’s not a freak. It’s just a different looking bird. They would win me over if Fighting Gold played during the duration of it’s Mega Evolution like an install super. ⭐⭐

Barnacle

I’m not really sure what I expected here. Maybe something like Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom’s terrifying Gloom Hands? What I got I found kind of cool, actually. Certainly more interesting than I imagined. Maybe a bit too tame?
This guy turned out to just be a different kind of Legend of Zelda boss. Or perhaps some kind of fucked up creature you fight at the end of a dungeon in Elden Ring. ⭐⭐⭐